I’ve learned a little trick for dealing with my negative attitudes towards certain tasks:
If an activity is unattractive, think of it as an art form.
See, here’s the deal: before I was married, I loathed the thought of performing domestic, traditional-wifey tasks. I dreaded the thought of cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, baking, childcare, et cetera: if it was “woman’s work,” I didn’t want to have to do it. I thought that stuff was lame. I even thought I wasn’t good at it. I told Ben, before we were married, that I wouldn’t pack his lunches for him like his mom did. “If anything, I’ll fill one big container full of food for you and you can take that to work. Don’t expect me to put all kinds of snacks into all kinds of baggies for you,” I said. I could tell he was disappointed to hear this but I wanted him to be prepared. I was not a wifey kind of girl.
Things started to change when, after I was married, I found I was actually quite good at a lot of these things. I had to cook since Ben was completely useless in the kitchen; and I soon found that cooking came quite naturally to me, even though I hadn’t done much at home. My meatloaves and casseroles always turned out beautifully. My cheesecakes were surprisingly delightful. I also kind of got interested in natural health, which got me thinking a lot about nutrition; that in turn led me take cooking more seriously. And I found I liked things neat and tidy in the house, so I found myself cleaning quite regularly. I liked for my home to be pleasantly ornamented and colour-coordinated. I liked my yard to be attractive and well-kept, and I enjoyed planting bulbs and flowers. Oh frig: I was becoming a traditional wife.
I needed a new way to think about all this domestic stuff. I needed a way out of the unappealing identity that I was becoming entrapped inside. I hated the thought of being a traditional wife but I was doing – and enjoying! – all the stuff that traditional wives did. I was experiencing “cognitive dissonance” and I needed a way to reconcile my inner conflicts.
So I began to think of these tasks as various art forms, and myself as an artist. “Cooking” became “culinary art” or “cuisine.” My concern for interior spaces became a penchant for “interior design.” My interest in plants and shrubs became an interest in “landscaping.” You get the idea: I began to tell myself that I wasn’t a traditional wife performing obligatory duties; I was an artist seeking self-expression. In things like cooking and decorating and gardening.
I’m being a little tongue-in-cheek and self-deprecating here, but I honestly have begun thinking about these tasks in a new light and it has really changed the way I live my life.
My perspective on cooking changed the most radically. Before I was married, I dreaded the thought of cooking because I had always seen it as a duty that women had to perform for their families. It was a degrading task, unfairly foisted upon women through history because they were physically weaker. Women couldn’t join in on the fun and important stuff that men got to do, like hunting and travelling and getting university degrees, so they had to stay home and cook. Cooking was a thankless, rather mindless job. It was primitive. It was for boring people. It wasn’t concerned with individuality, which was a really big deal to me at the time (I was soooo self-absorbed. Maybe I still am). But ever since getting married and taking over the kitchen in our home, cooking has actually become one of my favourite activities. I love it.
Cooking is an opportunity to be creative: I enjoy trying new recipes from around the world and experimenting with different exotic spices. I love inventing my own recipes based on old ones that I’ve mastered, or trying to imitate foods that I have enjoyed in restaurants.
But I also love cooking for all kinds of other reasons, too. I have decided that it’s an elemental practice that deserves respect because it helps me to get me in touch with my humanity. It connects me with other cultures and people throughout history. When I knead bread, for example, sinking my fists deep into flour and water and oil and shaping it into loaves, I am participating in an ancient practice that has been performed by human beings since the beginning of time. The fact that it’s primitive is beautiful to me now – it’s historical and mysterious, and a little bit magical.
I also now believe that cooking is an honourable job because it is so essential. My cooking provide nourishment for our bodies: I provide sustenance. I prepare the food that keeps us alive. Cooking is life-giving.
I have found that cooking is even a source of power. I choose the menus in this household. I set the schedule for our meals. I have the last say in what we put in our mouths. I get to make what I want, and Ben has very little input in this. Furthermore, I am taking control of what we eat. Instead of letting other people (like restaurants) decide what I consume, I take food into my own hands. Literally.
Cooking is even political. If I think it’s morally problematic to eat animals or genetically modified foods, or to buy products from ethically-questionable providers, I make the decision to avoid those foods in favour of ethically acceptable foods. As fellow blogger Sarah puts it, I vote with my wallet, and food is a particularly important sphere. I make choices that have political implications, and these choices are significant.
In short, cooking is artistic. It’s ancient. It’s beautiful. It’s powerful. And it’s political.
Sweet.
I’ve found that this is true for a lot of things I formerly considered lame: there is a lot more to certain activities than meets the (young, closed-minded) eye. Like gardening: I used to think it was just for grannies and other people who didn’t have productive or interesting lives (Sorry, grannies. I haven’t had very positive grandma role models). Now I feel that gardening is a sexy hobby that helps me to get in tune with the earth and with the rhythms of nature. It gives me an opportunity to be creative outdoors. It takes aesthetics into account, and speaks to the human soul. Stuff like that. It totally rocks.
I think it’s helpful to think about these tasks in this new light. It has allowed me to explore all kinds of new realms of life that I wouldn’t have considered before I was married. I’m even starting to think that mothering seems pretty awesome. I have learned that just because something is “domestic” and has been traditionally practiced by women it is not necessarily tedious or pathetic. Women have actually engaged with glorious, meaningful crafts, and I should be proud to participate in them.
This is not to say that cooking, cleaning, gardening, et cetera are only for women, or that women must perform them; I’m just saying that a lot of these things that have traditionally been done by women are actually pretty awesome and that jerks like me should reevaluate them from a more open-minded perspective if we find ourselves being prejudiced against them.
What do you think?
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